Have you ever been called conceited or stuck up? Has someone muttered the phrase "she/he think they all that" in your presence? Do you get those bitch looks when you enter a room? When this happens to me I tend to think that the person saying it or thinking these thoughts actually think highly of me. Why? Because why not? I think great things of myself. I am confident in my being. I am confident in my power as a woman. What would possess any person to think little of themselves?
Google defines confidence as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. I have power. I have abilities and I have qualities. Guess what? So do you! I appreciate everything about me (most of the time). So why attempt to demean or belittle a person who is confident in their looks, their style, their thoughts, or their education? Let us have our moments.
I am all that. If I don't think it, who will? You don't see me boasting and bragging about anything. You may see me express my excitement. I may display pictures of happiness. I might even show my pride in an accomplishment. But none of it is ever loud and obnoxious and rude. If I walk with my head down, who will ask me to lift it up? If I am not confident in who I am, who will change that? Only I can direct my path and I know in order to do so it must be with prayer and supplication. I am moving towards better because I believe I can.
If you have to disguise your insecurities by belittling someone else, that's just downright awful. If being miserable is your natural disposition, then I feel sorry for you. If you have a deep despondency for your own being, don't bring that to others. Don't project your feelings of inadequacy onto others. Keep your passive aggressive micro-aggressions to yourself. The things you don't like about yourself, don't attribute them to anything I have done. Take a long hard look at you in a mirror. Talking about or gossiping about the next person or regurgitating your own disdain on them does nothing to help you. Are you depressed? Are you jealous? Do you need a friend? Are you lonely and in search of something that you just can't seem to find? Seek professional help. Talk it over with Jesus. Don't hate on me.
I am no saint. I have flaws. I have preconceived notions about others, too. I misjudge at times. Yet, I find a way to get over it. Proverbs 14:30 reads "A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot". I will not rot at the expense of another. To be honest, I have this spirit of dislike for a person inside of me. It's not malicious, it's a simple dislike; however, it doesn't cause me to act foolishly or belittle this person. I honestly have conversations with them and show them some modicum of respect. Yet, I know it isn't enough. I am working on it and praying that spirit leaves me. I ask for spiritual guidance. I ask for prayer. But, in the interim, I do my best to smile and be positive. I am not in any position to bring anyone down. I keep my head up in spite of a lot of things that aren't "perfect" in my life. I know my limits. I know that what is for me is for me. Yet, this small tug remains. And, because I know it's there and because I know it's not good, I know I must be diligent in my praying. I must be honest with myself about my thoughts and my feelings. Which is why I am sharing.
So, the next time you see me, don't be a hater. It's just me, myself, and my confidence.
May we all have an encounter with God that pulls us from that place of negativity or pain and despair. May God lift us up where we belong.